Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
birth control should be required to get into college
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
