She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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