Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just found puke in my bra..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
