I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
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we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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