Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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