Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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