He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
