Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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