when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
