apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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