ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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