My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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