Even the bartender felt bad for me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
