"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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