"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I love having hate sex.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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