Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
