my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
