He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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