you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
