Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
