Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I stole a fireplace last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Randomize
