You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
