saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
