Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize