My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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