my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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