Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
