i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
