I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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