Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
