I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
