i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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