I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
