hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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