I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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