PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
