You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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