So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
