It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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