I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
