There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
