I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
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I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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