She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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