how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
