I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We just shotgunned beers for America
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
