It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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