No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
