he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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