and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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