took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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