she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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