I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
