plz talk dirty to me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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