God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
