I want to stick my p in your. b.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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