just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I die, sorry about rent.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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