Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
