Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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