Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
