my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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