what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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