Apparently you make a good broom.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
