if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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