If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
