Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
