my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
