i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
