Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
