Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
