Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize