You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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