Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
