no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
