I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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