I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
