By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
