ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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