So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
